Day Game – the “Should I’s?”

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by Nick Hoss

When I teach a PUA Day Game Bootcamp or Mini Seminar, I get a lot of the same questions over and over. Some are pretty legit, some are kind of trivial.

However, the funny thing about approaching a girl on the street is that the littlest tweak in your body language or how you say a direct opener can change her perception of you greatly. Like I tell guys, if you catch up to a girl and approach her even six inches too far back, the rest of your perfect approach will mean shit because you’ll catch her off guard. That’s just one example.

Here are six “Should I?” questions I’ve gotten over the past month.

 

Should I touch her arm during Day Game when I approach?

In short, you don’t have to do it. 

I have this theory. Day Game started in London (and it’s huge there). If you’ve ever walked up Oxford Street or around Picadilly Circus you know how loud and crowded it can get. (Same in SoHo in NYC.) Since the only time you want touch a girl’s arm is when she can’t hear you (in a crowd, when she has headphones on, etc.), guys started doing it there and made a habit of it. Before you know it, they’re all teaching it and it’s popping up on infield videos.

The other side of this theory is that when you’re a newb, it’s quite nerve-racking to use a direct opener. It’s kind of a nervous reaction to want to tap the girl gently on the arm to get her attention as you’re both walking. The thing is, if you’re that nervous, you’re liable to spook her. If you’re in bigger cities too, people don’t want to be touched. (I don’t want strangers tapping my arm.) 

I think it’s more powerful to just use your voice in a commanding tone and say just say, “Excuse me.” She’ll stop. Get good at it. You may do more harm than anything by not keeping your hands to yourself sometimes. (And if it’s loud or she has headphones in, by all means give her a gentle touch on the arm to get her attention.)

Should I approach girls from the front?

I have no problem with guys approaching girls from the front. I do it all of the time. I, however, have problems teaching it to new guys who don’t have body language and subcommunications down.

“But Nick, Daytime Dating, says don’t approach from the front!”

I’m not Daytime Dating. (I saw Jeremy successfully approach from the front too, guys. It takes a certain calibration.)

Here’s some notes about approaching from the front: 

• You need strong subcommunications. You need to engage the girl with your facial expressions (or by pointing at something in the environment) and strike up a conversation in that moment. While advanced guys can do this (and it’s not always that easy to do), new guys more-to-less, I’ve found, just block the girl’s path and kind of force an opener on her. It can be the greatest opener ever, but the frame is wrong. Frames are so damn important.
• You need a street that isn’t super crowded. If there is a throng of people pushing her from behind it’s going to be crazy pressure on her to stop, and she likely won’t be paying attention to you as you come up.
• You’re going to be more upbeat and less calculated than the standard direct opener we teach because you have to engage the girl in the moment. She may see you coming from a block away so you can’t default to the “I saw you walking past…” like you typically can.

I, however, teach it to my one-on-one clients and use it myself from time to time. Try it for yourself. See how it goes. If you’re engaging enough anything works.

 

Should I shake her hand and introduce myself?

Some dude in a fuzzy hat once said not to introduce yourself to the girl so that she can ask your name later, and then you could use that as an indicator of interest.

Nick says you’re a stranger approaching another stranger on the street. Respect social norms, be cordial. She needs to know to whom she’s talking.

I always introduce myself. I won’t even get into the underlying stuff. It’s just what people do.

And, if you get caught in the heat of the moment and forget to do it, no big deal. It’s when you purposely withhold your name that you send out the odd subcommunication.

 

Should I put my number in her phone?

It doesn’t hurt to exchange numbers, but here’s the bottom line: if you did a good job and if she likes you, she’ll respond to that first text you send anyway.

What you don’t want to do is go in super poo-ahh mode and essentially force her to take your number.

I often give girls my phone and get them to put their numbers in for two reasons:

1. I forget names about 75% of the time.
2. It’s less tedious than asking for her number digit by digit. 

I do the same thing at night.

During day game, she’s not giving out her number to a million guys like in a club, so she’s less likely to give you the “Who’s this?” response, especially if you use callback humor. 

 

Should I take off my sunglasses when I approach during Day Game?

Yes, she needs to see your eyes. (What are you hiding???)

Humans access emotion through eye cues. (No, I don’t try to read hers.) If she can’t see your eyes you’re giving up a great opportunity to express youself, i.e. to subcommunicate properly.

Wear sunglasses during the day, just take them off before you approach.

 

Should I approach if I have my gym bag, bottle of water in my hand?

Of course. No big deal. You just came from the gym.

It’s funny. David D used to recommend having a prop when you go out so you have something to talk about when you approach. (Not a terrible idea.) My buddy use to carry a guitar and I had my motorcycle helmet. It was cute.

I always carry a bottle of water with me when I teach. If you get dehydrated your energy drops and so does your ability to emote. If you’re out there practicing take a bottle or water with you.