Leftover Questions from the DATE! Home Study Course Conference Call
by Nick Hoss
Back in August, Savoy and I did a free conference call on dates for the DATE! The Complete Home Study Course launch. (Click here for details.) A lot of my readers and clients sent in questions. There were literally hundreds and they didn’t all refer to dates, so we couldn’t get to them all. However, that is a good thing. (Cheesy reframe example.) I can answer some of them here.
[quote]When switching locations often, how do you keep the rapport up? Or is it always a good idea to change locations if things are going very well in one particular spot?[/quote]
Part of being comfortable and cool with somebody is that you don’t have to be non-stop talking and vibing with them. This holds true on dates. Some silence is a good thing.
As far as changing up location if things are going well, I follow my gut. If we’re having fun I won’t cut the activity short. However, I will definitely move to a new spot/activity and keep the momentum going instead of waiting for the vibe to die before moving.
As a note: if things are dying hard in one spot, I’ll definitely move to another. The physical act of moving alone can inject energy into the interaction.
[quote]Is it possible to date a party girl?[/quote]
I used to wonder this myself.
I’ll take this from two ways. Is it possible to go on a single date with a party girl? Yes. Don’t expect to be doing it on the weekend, and expect a “date” to be meeting up a club sometimes. When a 21-year-old Hollywood girl wants to date a guy, she wants the feeling of being desired by a guy who can up her status or show off to her friends… or she is going through the party > find a cool guy > lose the feeling > dump him > party cycle. Young girls are fickle like that. So is it possible to date a party girl long-term? Well, somebody eventually well. She won’t party forever. But if I was a 24-year-old dude I’d hang my hat on her hook, but I wouldn’t store my coat in her closet.
[quote]How do you escalate physically while you’re on a date with the girl? Do you have a specific checklist that you kind of go through?! Like you first touch her hands, then her hair and then go for the kiss… Will you explain your way of escalating during the first date, especially if you have picked her up during the daytime?”[/quote]
We actually did go over this in the call, but I’ll answer it because of the day game part at the end of the question.
As a rule, follow the physical model of the Love Systems Triad. Start at the bottom and work your up in a progression.
I don’t have a checklist, per se. I do work in a progression though. Like, I’ll hold her hand before I kiss her for example. From holding hands, if we’re sitting at a table together at the next spot I’ll throw my arm around her. I’m a big fan of keeping my hand on girls leg as we’re whimsically philosophizing about the world together over a drink. It’s not like any particular area you touch will work better than another, just remember to move in a progression. (We go over this in great detail in DATE!)
For day game, the caveat is that you have a little more work cut out for you. At night, you can sit with a girl in the back of a club, mucking face and playing tonsil hockey. Holding hands on the date ain’t no thang at that point. When you pick up a girl during the day you don’t have that luxury. You just have to start with incidental touching and move up the Triad. It may take a little longer to get to romantic touching because of this, but that is just the nature of doing dates with daytime girls. Don’t feel like you have to take it slower, but do realize you may have more work to do.
[quote]For Nick: you mentioned that for day game, sometimes its better NOT to try and move venues / insta-date during the initial conversation. When is this a bad idea and why? Thanks, guys.[/quote]
It’s a not a bad idea under the right circumstance. It’s just that the right circumstance is rare. Let me explain…
Back in day, guys used to say “insta-date or die,” meaning if you didn’t have an instadate the number would likely flake. Personally, I just think this was the old days and guys were running old school tactics and couldn’t build up enough investment to have the numbers stick… and an instadate would solve that.
Now, we know a little more what we’re doing.
Instadates work but only when the girl has the time. She often doesn’t. She’s running back to work, on her lunch, or usually in a hurry.
It’s the odd time that you get a girl who is just killing an afternoon shopping or is going to meet somebody in an hour or two. Those are the ones you would instadate. You have to be careful though. You either take the girl all the way (like one of my clients did this summer on a day game workshop) or you hang out for a cup of coffee and get the hell out of there while you’re on a high note. I call this ‘George Costanza theory’.
Thanks again to all of the guys who wrote in. I love to hear that you follow my stuff.