Best PUA Openers for Mixed Sets
by Nick Hoss
Mixed sets intimidate some guys, yet others find them easier.
Everybody knows that you have to go in through the guys, but what is the best way to do this?
If you’re having trouble with mixed sets, or just want better “guy game,” read on…
I liked your post of the best PUA Openers you use, but I noticed you didn’t put in any for mixed sets. What do you say to guys in mixed sets?
Guy game is something I’ve had to work on. It did not come to me easily and I had less confidence opening guys than I did girls.
Part of the problem for me was that I always had this feeling that the guys would think I was stealing their girls. This projected outward in my subcommunications, and in turn that would bounce back off the guys and they would sense something was up. (I’m a big dude, I can’t help that, and it often sets off guys’ radar in mixed sets when I approach. Back then, I was either totally tooled by guys with social skills or appeared as threatening to lesser guys. Two problems.)
Most dudes out in the bar with girls aren’t going to immediately think, “This dude is going to steal these girls.” Often enough, they aren’t even out to game the girls and it’s just a friends situation. These girls get approached way, way less because most guys don’t open mixed sets. Use that as a mindset.
I tried the opinion opener approach–bear in mind this was back in 2008–and not only did I feel like a retard, I came off like one too. The cool guys just laughed and backturned me. The only guys that would respond to cheesy opinion openers were cheesy guys. Heads up: cheesy guys don’t get hot girls. We all lost. If you use a canned, “Who lies more?” opinion opener on me, I WILL call you creepy and I WILL shove you away (peach-fuzz-beard guy in NYC). I know you’re not on the level.
Alright, so the big guy with the blog can call guys names, but how can he help them?
These are the two ways I open mixed sets:
- “Spontaneous” (aka. situational) openers–Using something in the environment to engage the guys, usually off-the-cuff, adding some value to their night. I started having success with these once I learned how to be a social person. These openers came to me when I was in state. For example, off the top of my head, say to the dude, “I love how this is the only nightclub in the world where I can buy a $350 bottle of vodka and still have a little dude cooking free tacos in the corner.” (*wink wink to all of you L.A. guys) It’s a kind of lean-over-to-the-nearest-person thing. Situational openers are the epitome of “it’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Think of how you’d start a conversation at your buddy’s house party.
A cool, social dude can pick up on another dude ‘s social skills in the same way a hot girl can and he’ll respond positively when it clicks… Or from a more normal perspective, social people like to interact, especially with other people who like to interact. These dudes don’t talk to be logical; they just want good vibes. Learn how to create these by going with your gut feeling of what to say in the moment and following up on it. Make mistakes, get blown out and learn. The more you mess up and keep going, the more you’ll not be attached to whether it opens or not, and then it will open more often.
Another way, a little tougher, is to give the dude a compliment and transition onto the whole group, but I’d rather do number two…
- Use Vercetti’s direct method. It’s so simple and the cooler the guy, the better it works. I love using these when I clearly know the dude is not with the girl. All guys want is respect.
For example, I was doing a one on one in a very high-end club in NYC this summer. It was the kind of place that was a scene, on a Tuesday night, where all of the promoters roll in with 10 models at once and everybody hovers around their tables, staring and judging the people not in their groups. (Maybe they were insecure, maybe they were stuckup; depends on if your glass is half-full or empty. More on that later…) I figured out pretty quickly that this was basically a social circle situation where being the girl getting hit on makes you that (low value) girl. The fact that we needed to approach people was too much of a hit to our value. When did sets open?
In the smoke pit, where the social circle dynamic got broke up and standing alone compelled people (and this is where I see it as insecure) to talk to others… and by opening a dude at one of the tables.
“Hey man, that girl is beautiful. Is she your girlfriend?”
“No. She’s single. This is my girl, but she’s hot. You should go for it, man.”
At that point, the girls didn’t know what exactly is going on (due to the deafening music), but they knew they were being referred to and became intrigued. If her friend (of equal value) has a boyfriend who likes me, surely I’d be on the level for her, right? A simple “Hi, I’m Nick” and a compliment and suddenly that impenetrable situation got blown apart. Again, not rocket science, but understanding why it works makes it easier to navigate.
If you show respect (and don’t come off like a douche) you’re giving value, and the other guy will be more apt to help you. What’s more, if the girls see it all go down, they respect you more too. It says many good things about you if you can win over the guys who are rolling with her.
For you intermediate guys: Sometimes dudes won’t say much because not all dudes are that social or go out all of the time. It’s not always you! The club can be an intimidating environment and not every guy has the experience of a savvy, social dude approaching them just to be social. If they are quiet, transition to the girls and they’ll just watch you.
Last words: Don’t be the douchey, pick up guy who goes out to try “steal girls” from guys. Have some abundance! However, what you can do is save girls who are desperately looking for an out, cornered by a loser. If you see a dude running bad game, being drunk, etc., walk into the set, open the girl direct, step in front of the dude and just ignore the guy. If he keeps pestering you, move the girls. They’ll be happy to leave. As always, use your judgment.