PUA Inner Game: Do What You Fear, Challenge Your Comfort Zone

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by Nick Hoss

Have you ever heard these PUA inner game quotes?

“If you can’t you must, and if you must you can.” – Tony Robbins

“Everything you want is outside of your comfort zone. If it wasn’t you’d already have it.”

“I don’t teach guys how to approach women. I teach them how to overcome fear.” – Cajun

“The enemy of the great is the good.”

 All true.

PUA INNER GAME AND COMFORT ZONES

A common thing I see amongst students infield is that they can be pretty damn decent at approaching a woman in a situation they are comfortable in. See her on an empty street? No problem, engage Saturday Night Fever strut. “Excuse me, I just saw you walking past, and…” 

However, put that guy in a store, and it’s like he’s creeping through a pool of hot lava to the girl then shuttering in the frost when he says hi.

(I’ve been there many times myself and still am to a certain degree in unfamiliar situations.)

There are many effective strategies to challenge your fears. Here are two that have worked for me.

1) Use fear as a signal

Associate fear, that burning ping in your chest, as a sign that you must challenge the situation. It’s a clear-cut signal from God that the situation is outside of your comfort zone. Tell yourself to take one step forward–just one small one–then another and another. Move toward the pain. Embrace it. This is how a you build PUA inner game.

If you don’t, you’ll be stuck at your current level, and you’re probably practicing because you aren’t happy with your current level. 

Do this enough and you associate the challenge as a masculine thing, not being inhibited by an outside force, acting in spite of negative emotion. Eventually, that ego you’ve built up over having success in simple situations gets dropped because your mind associates success as challenging your fears. 

Don’t worry about the outcome, just initiate the process. Make that the contingency for success.

2) Burn you boats or be a pussy

Harsh much? If you’re a new guy, just get approaching down, do your best to build momentum. Your goal isn’t to star in the world series of pickup. Just get good at approaching women and comfortable with the mechanics of it.

However, if you’re a guy who is looking to take things to the next level. (You can have average success with the average girl in the average situation.) You need to step it up a notch. 

Find situations that challenge you. Don’t pass up the girl who ducked into Nordstrom’s or who looked like she was in a hurry. You likely have the experience to know that you’re chasing low percentage plays, but when you convert those low percentage approaches it feels pretty damn awesome. 

Remember when you started and opening a 2-set seemed daunting but now it’s just another situation you find girls in? Well, turn those situations that you find daunting now into “just another situation” by doing them over and over and over. 

AND, if you don’t take the right action in the situation, have a consequence. Give yourself a rough time about it. Part of growth is knowing when to bear the fuck down and when to cut yourself some slack. If it’s out of your comfort zone and you feel stuck at your current level you have to bear down… and when you reach that next level give yourself a thick pat on the back. (Having a wing with you helps.)

Those couple of average phone numbers from typical situations shouldn’t be the contingency for success anymore. Challenging situations and taking steps toward expanding your comfort zone should be. I’ve went home many days and nights upset with having a couple of numbers from average girls when I pussied out on approaching the girl I actually wanted. Hold your head high when you push yourself into new realms and slowly but surely you’ll have a large comfort zone.

For more on tackling anxiety, Love Systems Lounge members should read PUA Inner Game article by Mr M.