She’s playing hard to get

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by Nick Hoss

Some women play hard to get.  We ran a Love Systems bootcamp in Edmonton this weekend and dealt with this issue. Like always, there was a debrief session to start off the Saturday morning of bootcamp. These are fun for me because I get to give the students personal advice and hear the lead instructor’s take on the night. (I worked with Tenmagnet this weekend.)

One of the students brought up the question of whether or not he should pursue a girl that was playing hard to get. I ran into a similar situation the night before. Tenmagnet brought up a great point about how to deal with this…

Women loved to feel desired and like to be chased by an attractive guy. However, some are too young to know what they want or know how to flirt properly. Sometimes, a cunning woman will play hard to get to see how much you really desire her. Other times she just doesn’t feel 100 per cent comfortable giving her number to you… yet.

Many students ask “Isn’t it needy to keep chasing her? I thought she is supposed to chase us.” Well yes, to an extent. You do want her to be into you and to be putting herself in your line of fire, so to speak, but at the end of the day, men chase, women receive. It’s unfeminine for a woman to pursue a man (and it’s unmasculine to a degree for a man to be actively pursued.)

If a woman is playing hard to get, which means she’s bantering with you and showing a moderate amount of interest, it is not needy to pursue her. If anything it’s attractive. She keeps talking to you because you’re an alpha guy. She recognizes this. She wants more of it from you. Treat it as part of the mating dance.

If she says something to the effect of, “I don’t give my number out in bars,” and she keeps flirting with you AND shows interest in you, it’s perfectly fine to say “Naw, you’re a cool girl (qualification) I’m going to take your number. Break your rules for me this time” (credit to Tenmagnet), or use the old school, “Come on, I promise that I’ll only call you nine times tomorrow.” She wants to know that you like her for real and she wants to feel like she’s given her number out to not just any guy but a guy who has shown legitimate interest. (Otherwise, she’s just that girl without standards that gives her number to anybody, or at least that what she tells herself.) Think of it as her running qualification on you. If you’re a guy that gets deterred by some token resistant, you’ll miss a lot of opportunities.

I think I would be irresponsible to not re-enforce that this only works sometimes and she must be somewhat interested in you. If she’s winging her girlfriend or she is a server patronizing you, she just doesn’t like you… Then again, that takes social intuition to recognize, and that’s best learned through pushing the limits.

Have a good week!