Basic and Advanced Winging – Q & A Tuesday
by Nick Hoss
What should I do when I’m out to pick up with my wingman?
Are there any wingman tactics you use?
What can me and my wingman do to work together better?
Today, I’m going to give advice on winging.
Thanks for coming back to San Francisco to put on a mini seminar. I forgot to ask you during the Q & A at the end of seminar, but what can I do with my wingman to be better infield? Can you please post some tips on your blog?
I’ve had some great wingmen (including one who will be writing a guest article for me this week on Asian Game), and I know what being a good wing looks like. I’m just going to list a whole load of bullet points about winging to answer your question…
- The best thing you can do as a wing is hang-out outside of the bar. That way you’ll know each other and work together more intuitively, have shared stories, etc. Everything you say to girls will be that much more “real” because you’ll have a second voice saying it, even if it is a biased voice. Humans like social proof.
- Enter set by saying, “What’s up, man?” It doesn’t have to be fancy. If you guys work together enough, you’ll know who your buddy is going after before you get into set (or he can just tell you). The guy already talking to the girls should bring his wing up to speed in what they are talking about. He should also qualify the girls. “Hey man, these girls kickass because of XYZ.” Your high value buddy doesn’t introduce high value you to low value people, right? (If it’s really early in the interaction, the guy in set may want to tease the girls/keep the mood light when the wing comes in… essentially if they haven’t given you a reason to qualify them, it also doesn’t make sense to qualify them for no reason. Ugh, don’t get to dogmatic over this!)
- When you enter set as a wingman, usually after the hook point (the point where the girls are active in the conversation with you), address your buddy first. This solidifies that you are, indeed, his good friend and that the two of you together create a team of awesome. Guys have always said, “You need to show that you value your friends more than strangers,” etc. That’s true and I also think it indicates to the girls that they both need to give you a shot, and that everybody together is a better force than separate because you’re a loyal guy (which is attractive). It’s like saying “You girls will have twice the fun if you both commit to this,” but I’m close to my buddy. Friends come first. Girls understand this subcommunication… like when her friends says “I have to go to the bathroom.”
- To go with my above point, you assume whatever value your wing has when you come in. If your wing is doing a shit job, have fun with that. If he’s killing it, your job will be easier.
- Say shit about your wing that he is not allowed to say. In other words, you can get away with bragging him up–to a point. This is even more effective if you do it when he isn’t within earshot because it makes it seems like you don’t want to be bragging.
- Choose wisely. The people you hang out with rub off on you. If your wing is an unbalanced person or doesn’t have his shit together life-wise, he’s probably not somebody you’d hang out with without pickup, so why would you take him out with you to meet girls?
- Coupled with the above point–it’s much better to have a positive, enthusiastic wing than a negative, jaded one with experience. Sometimes those bad apples with experience will deceive you because they are talented, have knowledge you need, but come from a bad place and will step on you just to pick up. This is rare, but does happen, so I wouldn’t be paranoid about it. Just be aware of that guy who seems all too nice and all too shady all at once.
- Know what you want. If you are learning and have goals and a plan, find another pick up guy with a similar drive and mindset and find that college bar on Tuesday night. If you’re more experienced (which means you’re probably not reading this), go out with your (social) buddies or find some natural guys who like to party. If you’re still in the depths of learning, it may be hard to focus on your goals when you’re with natural dudes who want to get smashed. Likewise, a more experienced guy will just want to have fun and vibe without thinking about “opening” and “qualifying,” etc.
Lastly, a little voodoo winging tip… If you’re with your wingman and would like to isolate/leave with a girl, as your wing if it is okay to do so. Naturally, he’ll say yes and then you have his permission to leave set and the girl will just follow you. It’s beauty… just ask Mr M or one of my clients who was out that night.
Another little trick… When you come into set as a wing, you can ask your buddy if the girls are cool… or you can say “Hey man, I saw you giving me the ‘save me’ signal, are these girls cool?” Say it tongue-in-cheek and the girls will laugh but it also sets a subtle qualification hoop. You can also say, almost over-dramatically, “Remember, the safety word is ‘XYZ’.” and then playfully yell “XYZ” when the girl touches you five minutes later, etc. This is nightclub stuff. (I had a bunch of “safety words” written here, but I’m going to leave those to your imagination.)
P.S. Our interview on “Advanced Winging” has some of the best stuff I’ve heard.